Priorities

Because of my physical disabilities, I spend most of my time either sleeping or sitting in my chair at the computer.  Thankfully, my children are old enough that they don't require constant supervision, and what supervision they do need is quite readily done from my seated position.  They are also very much my helpers.  I do go to the grocery store, usually with at least one of my older daughters, so they can push the cart while I use my walker.  They also get things down from high shelves, or bend over to get things from lower shelves for me.  My children range in age from 6-19.  Each of them has chores they are assigned every day.  I monitor their jobs, and for those things I am unable to check, the older girls check for me.  For example, I am unable to go downstairs, so I depend on the kids to make sure the bathroom down there is properly cleaned.  Everyone except the 6yo does their own laundry, and my husband takes care of hers as well as ours.  The rest of the kids take turns doing the family laundry, such as towels, bed linens, etc.

For years, I struggled with the idea that I was an inadequate mother.  My house is generally cluttered, and sometimes downright messy.  But after years of therapy, I have come to realize that the important things in my life are good.  My children are all intelligent, creative, reasonably polite, and kind to one another.  They are certainly not perfect, but for the most part, they are good kids.  We have never had problems with dishonesty, disrespect, or rebellion.  They generally get along with others, and are quite capable of dealing with adults in a variety of situations.  As for my house, yes it is cluttered, but we don’t have a problem with mice or bugs, and the basics are always done.  I’ve had to adjust my idea of the basics, but we manage.  For us, the basics mean the dishes are done, food put away, bathrooms kept clean, and garbage taken out regularly.  Making beds is way down on the list, and dusting happens maybe once or twice a year.  It just isn’t a big priority.  We’d rather spend time doing things as a family than dusting.  We don’t have a lot of knick knacks anyway, although we do have a lot of books.

So, while some may think I’m a lazy mother, I’m finally comfortable with my life.  I realize that what other people may think about me doesn’t matter.  They have no way of knowing what it is like to be me.  I may have a chronic illness or two, and things are certainly not the way I envisioned them two decades ago, but my kids are thriving, my marriage is strong (we’ve been married over 21 years, and we are still happy), and life is good.  That’s all that counts.