It Could Be Worse

Up until last year, I had great fun with holiday preparations.  I love to cook, and getting all the cooking and baking done for Thanksgiving was quite enjoyable.  Last year, though, things changed.  During the year before last, my ability to stand and walk unassisted rapidly declined.  By the time Thanksgiving rolled around, I could no longer stand long enough to do more than very short tasks.  And getting up and down became more of an ordeal as well - no longer could I quickly get up to check on something, as it took several minutes just to get from a sitting position to a standing one.

This year, things are no better.  I use a walker now, but my kitchen is a small galley kitchen, making it difficult to move around with a walker.  So how do I get ready for the holidays?  Well first of all, I enlist the help of my husband and children.  Thankfully, I have several children who are old enough to take over for me.  My husband is also a tremendous help.  I also make lists.  I have a list of cleaning tasks, one that shows when each food item needs to be prepared, cooked, etc., and one of all the different platters and serving dishes that need to be brought out of storage.  I have others, but those are the three major ones.

I've also adjusted my priorities.  I've cut down the number of dishes, as well as the complexity.  My kids really don't care for fruit pies, but are happy to eat lots of pumpkin, so we will have just one kind of pie.  We'll use pre-made crusts, boxed stuffing mix, and canned veggies.  I thought about buying one of those pre-made turkey dinners from the grocery store, but decided my kids need to learn how to do the cooking anyway.  So this year I am sitting here in my lift chair, being the director.  The kids have been assigned jobs, and my job is to monitor and guide them in completing their jobs.  I am also making cute little turkeys to use as place cards.

Is this the way I'd like to do Thanksgiving?  Not really.  What I'd prefer would be to have a big family dinner, with lots of different dishes, lots of extended family, and lots of friends.  But the reality is, that simply is not realistic for me at this point in my life.  So instead, I am being grateful that I have a husband and children who can pick up the slack.  It could be much, much worse.

It's the Little Things...

A couple of nights ago I sat on the end of my bed and folded a couple batches of laundry. Actually, most of it I just put on hangers and handed to my husband to hang up. I only had to actually fold perhaps five items. Doesn't sound terribly difficult, does it? I didn't think it did, either. Yet halfway through the first batch, I found myself short of breath, and having to take breaks to rest my arms. By the time I finished those two batches of laundry, I was exhausted.

I spend most of my day sitting in a recliner, with my feet up. I browse the web, read books, watch movies, and do various crafts. I also try to guide my children as they do their various activities. I am able to provide plenty of love, snuggling, hugs, etc. But I am not able to stand at the kitchen counter and prepare a meal (I am barely able to fix a single sandwich!). Going downstairs to put in a load of laundry is out of the question, as is bringing that load back upstairs. I can fold it, but can't actually put it away, but then I need a rest afterwards. If a child (or pet) spills something on the floor, I can't clean it up.

Thankfully, I have a willing husband and somewhat-willing children to take up some of the slack. But honestly? My husband is stressed as it is, what with dealing with a disabled wife (and two disabled children), and two part-time jobs (while looking for more work). Add on taking care of the finances (which I used to do, but find it increasingly difficult, what with memory loss), doing laundry for me, our 6yo, and himself (the rest of the kids are responsible for doing their own laundry), yard work, auto maintenance, and church responsibilities, and he's stretched pretty thin. The kids can do quite a bit, but the two that are old enough to really do things well have their own issues. The oldest is a college student, and will be moving out in a few months. She helps as much as she can, but that isn't always enough. The next oldest, at age 17, has rheumatoid arthritis and fibromyalgia. She is not able to do much more than I am.

Frankly, I wish we could afford a maid, or at least someone to come in and do a thorough cleaning and organization (as well as massive decluttering!) of my house. Perhaps then it wouldn't be quite so difficult for the kids & my husband to manage. But who knows - it wouldn't get rid of the problem of my disability. Nevertheless, I still have frequent fantasies of "Clean Sweep" coming in and doing a sweep of my whole house! A girl can dream, can't she?

All that said, though, and it comes down to this: with all my problems and frustrations, I am grateful that I have a home (even though it's messy), a husband who loves me (and is willing to help, despite the stress), and children who really try. That's all I really need, after all.