Metamorphosis

Ten years ago, my youngest son was struggling to get enough nutrition, and was admitted to the hospital due to failure to thrive.  At six months old, he weighed a whopping nine pounds.  He was 7.5 pounds at birth.  On top of that, I was dealing with a 5yo autistic child with violent behaviors, a deaf child, and two more with speech issues.  We were living 1500 miles from most of our family, and I had my first major breakdown.  I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, and started on medication.  That helped a little, but it wasn’t till a year later, after my second major breakdown, that I finally got into therapy.  By then, my son was much improved, and my daughter’s violent outbursts had eased a bit.  I’ve struggled with my depression ever since.  In 2002, we moved back to Utah, and I found a new therapist.  I also received a new diagnosis – Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Social Phobia, and Panic Disorder.  That was on top of the Depression diagnosis.

Because of my kids special needs, I have had to be an advocate for them.  When we moved to Utah, we made the decision to homeschool them, because the stress involved with sending them to school was just too much.  At that time, all of them would have needed IEP’s, and that would have necessitated numerous meetings with the school, teachers, therapists, counselors, etc.  We found that taking a more relaxed approach to schooling and focusing on what worked for our family was a much better solution.  So began our metamorphosis from a public school family to an unschooling family.

We tried a number of methods for educating our children at home, from state-sponsored curriculum to hand-picked materials, to our current method, unschooling.  This works for us for several reasons, not the least of which is the fact that unschooling allows our family to adjust to my abilities as they change.  Just because I have a chronic illness doesn’t mean I can’t teach my children.  On days when I am in a lot of pain, or need more sleep, the kids do more on their own.  When I have more energy, I direct their studies more.  We can school in our pajamas, and I can teach from my bed.  Not only that, but the kids are learning valuable life skills by doing more, rather than simply reading or hearing about things.

Several months ago, ABC aired a program that portrayed unschooling in a rather poor light.  I wrote the following in response:

My 19yo daughter is currently one semester away from graduating with her AS degree. She made the Dean's list her first two semesters, and is on track to do so this semester as well. She's also the historian for the Skills USA group, and took 2nd place in the State Skills USA competition. She's profoundly deaf, and was unschooled from 6th grade on. Clearly, she was unprepared for college.

My 10yo son, who has been unschooled his entire life, taught himself HTML in a few days. He's now working on Java. He's already created a couple websites, and has written a few games for them. As for socialization? He has many friends, is actively involved in cub scouts, and chats with online friends of all ages frequently. Recently, he brought home tickets for the upcoming Scout Extravaganza, and had all ten sold within a couple hours. To neighbors, not his parents. Got more tickets from the den leader, and promptly had them sold as well. He loves to cook, and does so frequently. He is quite capable of reading a recipe and following the directions. He hasn't needed assistance in the kitchen for over a year now. Clearly, he is unprepared for life.

That's just two of my children. The others have similar stories.

We have few rules, but we rarely have problems with misbehavior. The kids behave in a responsible, trustworthy fashion, and generally self-regulate. They know the difference between right and wrong, and are not afraid to speak up when they see a problem. They get along quite well with pretty much anyone they meet, and succumbing to peer pressure is a non-issue.

Are they perfect? Far from it! But we have tried to raise them with a sense of self-respect and value, and it seems to be working. Unschooling won't work for every family, but the example ABC gave is a faulty one at best. Unschooling doesn't mean ignoring your children, or allowing them to do anything and everything they please. It means providing a solid foundation of love, trust, and values, followed with an environment full of opportunities for learning and growing. It means being willing to answer questions without freaking out, and providing opportunities for exploration. It means trusting your instincts, as well as that of your children.

For our family, with my physical and mental health issues, as well as those of our children, unschooling has proven to be the best choice.  Some may think that I can’t possibly be chronically ill and properly educate my children, but as the saying goes, “the proof is in the pudding”.